情绪化

朋友都说我是个很情绪化的人，
我不能肚子饿，我会乱发脾气。

但是我真的很想他明白我的感觉，
我在学校有时候真的没有时间吃东西，
只有一天从早到晚都没吃，那就算了。
回到家，很多功课要做，已经九点了。

我不是对你冷淡，不是对你发脾气。
只是我开始领悟一些事情，而且是你告诉我的。
你说我们不一定每次都要见面，那好，我就不要常见面。
你说我要学会独立，长大，那好，我就用忙碌麻醉自己。
你说我对你冷，拜托，我真的很多功课。

你有功课做的时候，我都没有打扰你。
现在我在做功课的同时，拜托，体谅我好吗？

在写着这一篇的同时，我肚子很饿，还在做功课。
明天五点就要起床，天啊，很累。

我真的很想让他知道我的想法，我的心情。
我真的很忙，即使我再忙，我都会陪他。
不要拿别人的案子影射在我身上，
这对我不公平，因为你觉得我会变成那样。
如果你信我的话，请相信我。

我知道你担心害怕是因为在乎，
但是也是你说的，要学会坚强，我做到。
我是在为我们的未来付出，希望你可以明白。
或许，请你记得我的心有你。
但是，你的心，我希望有我。

我真的不想有一天会听到负面的消息，
如果有的话，我会双倍给你的。
我知道你不会，但是我也不会好吗？
你信我，我信你，就是这么简单。

My Power

i think i almost one week didn write for my blog already ,
it's quite busy and tired for every day .
but i got the power push me into the achievement !
he is my power =D !

i love his smile !

 











i like to hide behind of him !

i love monday ! because he will send me to college =D !

i like to pinch his chubby face !

i love everything in my life now !

Heart

2nd time , i drive car just for the twice time !
last time i drive from dpc to bandar sri damansara ,
now i drive from dpc to sunway university !
i use 20minutes or 30minutes to reach sunway university .
i think so because i didn know how much time for the driving .

i go to sunway there because wan pick my man back home .
i seem long time no meet him already xd !
but actually we just met yesterday , time flies .
i haven take my breakfast so he decided wan go 1u .

he always say that he just can saw my smile when i eating .
really @@ ? but i think this is truth xd ! i like to eat =D !
next , i just back home take shower and go to my college .
quite weird right ? i just drive car go sunway then drive back .
after drive back to my home then i go to taylor there again @@

i take dinner with my college friend because he want to eat steamboat .
but actually my purpose is want to see my man .
my god ! rain heavily , i try to call him .
he never pick up my call , i so worry about him .

i just ride my bicycle and go to basketball court there .
i saw him play with his friends .
then i calm down my anxiety and try to make a joke for him .
he never want to listen and turn back to find his friend .

i riding again , never turn back and saw him .
but actually i just go to another side and hide behind the tree .
i just hide behind the tree and looking at him ,
i purposely dont want let him saw me.

10pm , the basketball court was closed .
my main purpose was just want saw him out from the basketball court ,
then i would back home . 
but he shouted and i just stunned at there because he never shout on me .

i just want to find him , i miss him and find him .
but , i just get the different respon from him .
not the hug or kiss , just his anger .

Changed

最近我的情绪有点错乱，朋友们都吓坏了。
我觉得他们吓坏了，因为我只是认识他们两个星期，
我就可以在他们面前大哭，很不可思议。

我可以看着电话，就想起他。
我从图书馆看到Hospital Medical Centre 也可以想起他。
我看到一台贩卖机，就想起他。
我看到食物，也能想起他。
我看到一包TISSUE ，我也能想到他。

我看到任何东西，我就可以一直哭泣，因为我想念他。

朋友们都觉得我很恐怖，因为我可以无时无刻地哭。
我真的很想念他，但是他却告诉我说只要用时间，就没事了。

真的可以吗？我好像在强迫自己不要想念他。

反而我冷静下来了，我觉得是他冷淡了。
还是这一切是我胡思乱想？还是他真的很忙？
以前他无论多忙也好，他都会讯息我。
现在他不会频繁地讯息我，这是我乱想吗？

虽然他都有陪我，但是我还是觉得不一样了。
那份感觉，那份安全感，那份存在感，仿佛消失了。

也许他看到这些东西，他会不开心。
但是我也是害怕，他知道吗？

现在，我尝试压抑自己，专心读书就好。

如果他真的有另外的选择，我不会怪他。
因为是我的错，我很少陪他，或者是冷落了他。

也许，我不是个很好的女友。
我付出的一切，可能只是一厢情愿。
但是我觉得我付出的一切都是尽了我做女友的本分。
我爱他，所以我付出。

我真的是一个很爱乱想的女生，但是男生都不知道为何我们会乱想。
有时候，真的需要给女生一些她觉得很安全的东西。

女生，是脆弱的。

男生，你伤不起。

Lost You infront of Me

honestly , i can always miss him when i study .
it's quite weird and not focus on study right ?
but i know my target is to get good result and can get a good job !
he always send me back home after end class ,
this is enough to me already . 

when i looking at him , my tears will come out accidently .
i feel the most love man is him , so i afraid that many thing of him .
am i crazy for him ? my friends say yea !
if i fall in love , i not myself anymore .

today my stomach very pain because menstrual problem ,
i recall back that he will give me hot water or massage my stomach .
but we not same college already , so this will not happen .
i miss that moment , how he take care of me when my stomach feel pain .

just nw i hug him tightly , i will cry .
i'm crying baby , i like to cry and can cry easily .
my college friends afraid when i silent , they say i will silent before i want cry .
i just stare at him , touching his hair , look at his eye .
this is my man , shaun .

i will hold his finger or shirt when he say he want to leave ,
this is my habit because i never want him leave me alone .
quite weird to me actually , i do not know i cry for what reason .
but i always think of one problem .

what is the problem ? i always think that i will wish him happy with other girl .
i like to dreaming or think too much .

example :

i hang out with my friends to sunway pyramid after class ,
suddenly , someone look like him , he is quite tall .
but , he holding other girl's hand ! i asking myself :" who is that girl ? " 
he turn back , that definitely is him !

how sad am i ? how hurt i get ? my tears is coming out .
i try to control my tears out from the eyes , i just pass by them .

i say : " hello , why you be here ? this girl is ..? "

if that girl is his girl friends , then i will know what i should do .

i will say : " wish both of you blissful forever . "

then i will turn back and my tears drop down .


* do not try to cold to me , i will think too much . *

Regret For This

last few day i outing with my beloved friends ,
they make me so rush because they didn tell me early @@
they just call me & ask :" ling , wan go tropicana mou ? "
i haven take shower after i woke , i use 30minutes to settle all of it .


we watch dark flight , i never look at the screen because i afraid of this !
suddenly ! veron shout ! my god ! i get shock because of her scream !
then she ask me out from the cinema because the movie is so terrible !
we go for shopping and some else , veron buy the tutti fruitti ..
it's great ! this is my first try =D !


i borrow ipad from veron because want log in to my fb account ,
har ? i saw some news from indonesia .. got earthquake @@ ?!
this is truth ! this is possible ! this is happen right now !
pray for indonesia citizen , pary for every people .


yesterday shaun send me go back from college ,
i cried infront of him again , but i told myself do not cried anymore ..
i broke this promise , because i feel afraid and suffer .
i just look at his face , then my tears drop down from my eye .


he just say nothing when i cried , he try to hug me tightly .
this is his way to comfort me , his hug is powerful .
he told me dont afraid , he always be with me .
but i told him that when i study here , i really miss him so much !


i feel regret , because i do not want sunway so i change to taylor .
now i hope can change back to sunway , but i know this is too late for me .
regret ! but i hope i can do it well at taylor here ..
no matter how much i miss him , i also will do it as well as i can .


i always say think properly , dont make myself regret .
but now , i did wrong decision and make myself so regret !
just let it gone , next day will be better than yesterday .
* i trying to comfort myself , yes ! i admit . *

English tutorial class

i just come to my college for 1 week , i try to stand for it because this is COLLEGE !
COLLEGE not same like secondary life , it's difficult .. i think so @@
because we need to do a lot of assignments , coursework , something else !
wow ! how to arrange my time ? headache !

lecturer also tell us about the time management ,
actually we are no time to entertain , depend on how we use our time .
i think i know how to use my time , because my daddy teach me since from i'm kid .
he buy me a watch when i study at primary school ,
he say this is very useful to arrange my time , this is time management .


today i attend for the english tutorial class , Ms yeong is quite nice .
i love her smile , her teaching skills and her joke xd !


example :


" sorry teacher , i went to wrong class . "
Ms yeong : " oh ! nevermind =D we will miss you ! "


but after that another student also said he went to wrong class ..


ms yeong feel confused that why students will went to wrong class @@


i know a new friend , she come from korea !
she is beautiful , has a fair skin , and she just 16 years old !
i'm getting older now , because i'm 18 years old !


english tutorial is end , shaun bring me go to sunway pyramid .
we take a lunch there . oh god ! that spaghetti .. not suitable for me !
we walk back to sunway because shaun still has the class ,
then he ask me go to computer lab play facebook or other else ..


ya ! now i at sunway university computer lab but i not the student of sunway .
why i need to wait for him ? because he is drive my mum's car go to college .
that why i need to wait for him for 1 and half hour at the computer lab .


start from morning , he worry for the car till right now .
because he say this is my mum's car , he worry will spoil the car or unlock the car .
i think my mum try to accept him , because she let him to drive her car .
so what is tat mean ? try to accept or ..? * please mum , accept him ! i love him *


i type a lot of words here because i want to get more practice for my english .
teacher also advise us to write more journal or blog , this can help us !
by the way , i wish all the best to myself =D

Stressful Life

today is my first day go for study , it's really tired for all of us !
because our time is from 11am till 8pm ,
although got a break time but we still can feel the tired .

the most lovely subject is economics ,
this subject just similiar like secondary school economi ,
i understand what the lecturer teaching and can write it out from bm ,
but i still confusing what we suppose to do at next week @@

after the class had end , we go to bookstore buy some textbook .
those text book are very heavy , i can feel my hand gonna broken !
tomorrow we still need to print some topic and buy text book again..

i can feel the stressful is around me now , headache .
a lot of coursework , assignment , presentation , final exam .
wow ! this is my very first time to do well and study hard .
it cannot be find at secondary school life , this is absolutely college life !

we have to study hard after this week , please remind ourselves !

thank you for your telling that you say i had be change after i go to college ..
but i can tell you i never change my mind in this relationship ,
i lost your protection , i just being a little girl in my life .

心连心

我觉得我们两个真的超搞笑的，
他去学院上学就是我在担心他，
现在是我去学院上学，反而是他担心我了。

他担心的样子真的让我笑破肚皮，
我就告诉他：“ 你终于知道我的痛苦了吧？”

但是我真的很想告诉他，
就算我们两个不同学校，但是距离真的很紧，八分钟可以到！
我们还是会想念对方，我的学院朋友已经清楚明白。

我们总是告诉对方说：“ 记得可以做什么和什么不可以做。”

但是我也告诉自己说：
“ 如果有一天真的要面对那些问题，我会处理。”

而且我知道我的决定是什么，他开心就好。

他昨天说了一句让我错愕的话：
“ 如果你要看到我，做么要转校？”

如果我不转校的话，我知道我一定很粘着他。
我不想这样，免得他的家长不喜欢。

我的心，一直只有他。

他的心，我希望还有我。

担心，病了

我严重怀疑我有精神错乱症，
因为关于你的一切，我都很在意。

今天我到我的学院报到，感觉不错。
人潮汹涌，但是礼堂里的冷气，好冷。
我果然是要穿外套才能上课，不然真的冷到发抖。

12 点多了，终于可以休息吃东西了。
早上没吃早餐，没有精神。
和朋友们SUNWAY PYRAMID 吃东西，
本来想找他出来的，他却要回家了。

吃完后，不想回去了，就直接回家。
这样后，我心好不舒服，果然！坏事不适合我。

但是回家后忽然想起一些事情，
真的那么巧他们会在同一个地方，同一个时间在那里，
想到这里，我胃痛犯了。

不要让我想太多，我会很辛苦。
我的辛苦，你不知道。

但你的辛苦，我能感受得到。

我知道你已经厌倦我的哭泣，　
你都会说：“　又哭？哭什么哦？”　
自从这几次过后，我就不会在你面前哭的。　
免得你说我烦着你，对吧？　

我好像变了，是吗？快乐呢？

陌生

虽然今天是愚人节，但是如果你的态度只是想玩我，
我想告诉你，一点都不好玩也不好笑。

我知道你特地抽时间来陪我，半个小时也很足够。
但是我忽然觉得你很陌生，还是是我想太多？

连你也说我想太多，但是你知道为何我会想太多吗？
我真的很怕失去你，我却告诉你我不怕了，很好笑吧？

我们也有像普通情侣一样，牵手。
但是我明白只要有熟人的地方，我们就会变成普通朋友。

你去年曾经告诉我，一年后会不一样。
今年你也再次告诉我，一年后就会不一样。
没关系，我等你。

我很喜欢拥抱你，因为拥抱的那一刻，很实在。
拥抱着你，很温暖，很安全，我喜欢这样的感觉。
但是，我觉得开始变得陌生，是我的错觉吗？

你在改变还是我想太多？我真的不知道。
我怕有一天，我会疯。

我要的不是你每次都来陪我，我要的是安全感。
我要的是肯定，是那份感觉，你明白吗？

现在，我告诉自己，心里有那份爱你的感觉就够了。
我清楚了解自己是很爱你，从来没有变过。

我担心的是你会改变，所以我想开了。
如果你真的变心了，我只是会告诉那个女生，

“ 既然他选择了你，
那请你好好照顾他，
他是我最爱的男人，谢谢。”

果然，朋友们都说得对，我爱你，爱到疯了。

信任

我知道我曾经违法对你的承诺，
没有履行，但是我说过一定不会再犯的。
我希望你会明白，我也是很难过的。

这次，我把这件事情告诉你，因为我知道你会介意。
我知道你还会更担心我，还是会害怕。
如果我不告诉你，你会生气。
如果我告诉你，你会担心和伤心。

但是，我没有隐瞒你，我一定告诉你。

我预测到你的反应，没错，你开始担心了。
但是我也希望你可以信任我，好吗？
我一直信任你，我知道我以前的过错已经不再让你信任。

但是这么久以来，我的改变，你就不能信我吗？
我做的一切，还不能让你安心吗？
我只是希望这一次你也可以信任我，因为我只是要你一个。

请你信我，好吗？
为什么我觉得你说出的信任，却感觉得出你在担心?
真的不需要担心我，因为我心中只有你。